Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize