So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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