My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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