note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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