good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
