just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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