Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
