dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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