I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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