Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
