She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
