wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
