If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
