my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
