I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
