Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
