Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
