from now on my penis is your penis
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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