umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
