i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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