What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
