your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
