Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
