If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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