you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize