I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
