i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
