he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
