trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
