Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
