I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
