sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
