Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
