if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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