She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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