fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
