I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
