went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
