Yo dont text me then not text me
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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