What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
