Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
