I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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