im having a threesome with these popsicles
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
