How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
