im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
