are you still at the devil's house?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
