I'm laying in your front yard are you home
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
