One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize