can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
