so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
