Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The power of my boobs compel you
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
