i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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