You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Fuck appropriateness.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
