Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
