Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
time to smoke my breakfast
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
