yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
