3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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